The second thing to hit me is the smell. I can't really describe it, but it fucking REEKED. And I've spent three years as a trash collector... So I follow the smell to my bedroom, and when I open the door, I see shit smeared EVERYWHERE. all over the walls, mashed into the carpet, my bedspread, on dresser, EVERYWHERE. I nearly threw up right then and there. I guess I was in shock, because I couldn't think of anything. My brain shut off, until I saw Jeremy with his face painted like some kind of Squaw savage chief and his hair all messed up (his hands were shitstained...) roll out from under my bed. He gave me this look, and tried to laugh as if I'd think it was funny, but the expression on my face must have looked like murder, because what should have been a giggle came out as more of a whimper. He looked like he was going to vomit. Calmly, I took a deep breath, and told him in a monotone voice to "Go into his room, strip naked, and stand facing a corner". He's been in there for the better part of a half hour now. I keep peering through the door at him to make sure he didn't move. He's naked, and crying, and shivering, but not moving or speaking.
So, here's the advice part. What do I do to the fucker? I turn to you, my beloved /b/, because despite how fucked up anon is, I think you are the only people who can really grasp my disposition. In b4 barrel roll & an hero.
pic unrelated, it's rubber Johnny.