In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls himself "The Holder of the Cancer." The person at the desk will contort their face into an expression of pure rage and say "I'd rather have chemo."
Nevertheless, they will give you three ten-sided dice and instruct you to roll them. You may proceed only if your roll is equivalent to a number the person pulls out of their ass.
If, after over 9000 rolls, you acquire the magical number, go and tell the person you have won. The person will completely ignore you. Then, you should scream, as loud as humanly possible, "YOU HAD BETTER DELIVER, FAGGOT!!!" The person will look you directly in the eye and say, "Fuck you, I'm an anteater!"
Here you have over 9000 options, one, you can leave now and never, ever come back, or you can continue to try to meet the Holder. If you continue, you must respond, "Sage sage sage." To which the person will say "I'm looking to hookup, A/S/L?"
The person will then lead you down a dark staircase. As you approach the lone door at the end of the staircase, you will begin to hear horrible, inhuman sounds. And, slowly, you will make out the words: "...A YOUNG BOY..."
Your guide will open the door and follow you inside. The room will be completely empty, and then you realize, finally, that you both have the cancer, and that you're gay.