In a certain area of a certain city in Pennsylvania is an area of flat concrete, the kind of place used as a basketball court or similar, near to a school building. If you wait in this area on the 10th September, you will eventually be approached by over 9000 youths with an aggressive demeanor about them. The youths will challenge you to a fight, which you must accept. Following the brawl, return to your home. It is important that you tell your mother of this incident. She will become perturbed by your tale, and order you to leave for an area of Los Angeles. You will be compelled to obey her.
At the nearest taxi rank, whistle for a cab and one will approach. You may see that its license plate reads "FRESH", and there will be novelty dice dangling from the rear-view mirror. Do not be disturbed by the odor of the cab's interior, and speak only the words "Yo home, to Bel Air" to the driver.
When you arrive in Los Angeles, seemingly only seconds later, you must speak again to the driver, this time saying "Yo home, smell ya' later". DO NOT LOOK BACK AS THE TAXI LEAVES. You will be dropped off at the entrance to a large mansion. Approach the door and knock three times. If you follow these instructions exactly, you will become the star of a popular television sitcom. However, after 5 years, 8 months and 10 days have passed, your life will end in the most unimaginably hideous way.